Tuesday, September 14, 2010

What everyone ought to know about relationships!

Whether we face it or not, one of the greatest problems, if not the greatest, is human relationships. I’m inundated worldwide with questions regarding relationships. What you are about to read is exciting and an illuminating way to learn about relationships.
I felt inspired to write this booklet when a psychotherapist, who has also written about relationships, asked me what could be the core essence that was missing in fully grasping the significance of relationships between man and woman, that is , beyond “men from Mars and women from Venus” and other writings on co-dependence. This psychotherapist being himself a nonduality follower wanted to know my feelings on the subject. This intriqgued me and the fact that I get so many emails on the subject of relationships opened the door for this booklet.

The following is based not only on my own experience as a hypnotherapist of 35 years but also the major shift that happened in the year 2000 combined with teachings from A Course in Miracles and Michael’s teachings.

I started my search after experiencing Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi’s vision and teaching. As a result I became a staunch advaitist and focused on non-duality. To me this was the ultimate truth and anything else was redundant. My talks emphasized the awareness of the moment as the only reality and everything else was unnecessary in our life. The human part was treated as part of the individual mind and therefore unreal. The word ‘soul’ which is really individuated mind, a fragment of universal mind, was no longer a part of my vocabulary. Bhagavan and Buddha never discussed the word ‘soul.’ This journey for me was clear, uncluttered and simple. Whenever a relationship proved to be too emotional I would just discard it as illusory. My life was successful and even had a brief TV series of my own.
I was detached from the illusion of human negative emotions. This was the truth and there was no world ‘out there’ of seeming time and space but my own perception of it. This was also discovered by scientists and quantum physics and so I was on fair ground established in reality. This was my detached life for 27 years and had experienced peace.

In the year 2000 I found myself attracted to someone who moved into my apartment leaving behind her career in graphic design, two teenage boys sent to theit dad, a house, a car and a wonderful dog. All left behind in Denver, Colorado. The first few days and weeks were good but soon the impact of what had taken place began its toll on her sensitive emotional nature. Unconsciously she was missing her sons, her car, her independence, her dog and the facing of uncertain future in Canada without citizenship. There would be times when she would burst into anger for no apparent reason as far as I was concerned and I would treat it with advaitic detachment. After all, I reasoned, she will soon see all this illusion for what it is and adjust.

One fateful day she “lost it” emotionally and the more detached I was, the greater became her anguished fury. She lashed out with fierce violence and the more calm I was the worse it became. I didn’t know what to do and walked into the bathroom locking the door. Then it hit me that I cared for this woman deeply and she was suffering. If suffering was so real to her what good was my detached calmness, after all, where is sensitivity? Where is compassion? What good was I in a moment when she needed reassurance and comfort and security? What good was I in this situation?
All the ‘truth’ I had studied and placed so much importance on was not available to me then. My ‘peace’ was not real but simply conditioned and programmed by so much reading and study. While I focused on her and for a moment stepped in her shoes, I began to FEEL deep pain and it was good to FEEL it.
I raised my hands and pleaded to Bhagavan, “Please help me as I don’t know what to do?”
I cried, and then saw myself in the mirror and suddenly saw Burt for the first time. A strange feeling came over me as if I had just worn this body, and was temporarily entranced by my arms dangling by my side and a head sticking out from my upper body between my shoulders. A few seconds later a fear gripped me as I experienced this strange new world, however, right then and there it was as if everything disappeared in the bathroom and was thrown into endless space seeing that I was Light. I was a human being – a Being playing the human role of Burt. In those few moments everything became crystal clear and I learned more in those few moments than the whole 27 years of advaitic teachings and practices. It was so incredibly simple and clear that everything and everyone was myself.
I felt such peace and clarity that words were not possible. I could not communicate this to anyone but my partner knew something had happened.
There are seven billion humans on this earth but only One Being, and the mystery is this – YOU are that Being here and now as you read this. It is this awakening of playing the human role that we finally grasp the meaning of relationship.

What is a relationship? A better question would be – what is NOT a relationship? Since everything is One Being playing the role of 7 billion humans and other creatures, then we are all related. This relationship is called LOVE.
Here are some basic facts on relationships:
• Relationships are karmic since nothing happens by chance and there are no accidents.
• Every relationship brings us precious lessons in love. When we do not learn these lessons than we repeat them untl we do.
• We have taken on a human form to experience the emotional body and through such direct experience we ‘attain’ the highest – our Being.
• The human is always seeking, desiring, needing and wanting. It only experiences brief moments of happiness when it is engaged in true love relationship without neediness. The question is, “What is the human really seeking through another? – Here’s the answer – it is seeking itself, it’s own BEING.
• Being is ONENESS and yet it is your true HOME. Everyone is homesick and that’s why we all seek a good relationship without knowing it. When you find love, you find your home.
• A true relationship is a Holy Relationship and therefore is not needy, has no expectations nor demands but allows full freedom, love and forgiveness. Such a relationship is Heaven on earth.
• So many people crave soul-mates believing that such a meeting brings heaven-on-earth. The truth is that a soul-mate is the one who will teach you the most about yourself. In most cases it is the most painful.
• When neediness develops in a relationship, it is because the needy one has unresolved issues and thus feels that the partner might fulfill them.
• Our worst fears arise during relationships such as fear of loss, fear of rejection, fear of death of yourself or partner and so on. These fears arise to be met. Relationships are a mirror of these fears.
• When you refuse to run away from your fear, when you decide to stay with the perfection of your BEING then a vaster vision will come to you.
• If you look only at your fear then you will miss your vast Being. The minute you ask for a vision, for release, for understanding, for peace of heart, you will realize that your present difficulty is only a small part of you and the rest is going great. When you fully accept and embrace the fear as something that is going to make you stronger and more evolved then that’s what will happen.
• Fear in a relationship means that your need is not being met by you. What is it that I need that I am not getting? And you’ll see that it is a need you never gave yourself. As a child you might have been deprived of love or warmth but now as an adult you can give it to yourself by loving that forsaken child inside you.
• In a relationship you are ALWAYS presented with what is needed in you. When you insist upon another to give you what you want, you deprive yourself from it. The relationships is a mirror of our needs and it is up to us to give it to ourselves. Relationship is a mirror.
• Being ill is not bad, being rejected is not bad, being poor is not bad, being unloved is not bad – what is ‘bad’ is your rejection of it rather than fully experiencing it. All these so-called ‘bad’ are your lessons.
• The moment you uproot a fear by fully experiencing it with love, forgiveness and acceptance, you have healed it for all eternity.

What is a soul?

A soul is the fragment of Spirit that is busy seeking itself. A soul is an individuated mind from the Universal Mind. It evolves from lifetime to lifetime always seeking itself until it melts back into the Whole or Spirit. It is never at rest and is always evolving and ofte repeating the same lessons over and over until it learns them and then moves on to higher ones.

In Reality there is only Oneness playing all the roles and therefore our ‘suffering’ emerges the more personal (separated) we are from Source. This Source or Oneness is hard to define because no words can ever express that which is beyond them. However, for the sake of using a word, we call it Unconditional Love.
In our mad rush to experience our true home we risk many things for a glimpse of this unconditional love believing, very often, that we can get it from another.
The soul experiences everything and that’s how it expands its capacity to love. What it rejects has to be repeated over and over until it is grasped as ‘good.’ This is why so many lifetimes are needed to stop resisting, rejecting, avoiding and pushing away. Life is to be fully experienced and in that experience to become a LOVE rather than a FEAR.

Soul Ages

There are 5 soul levels on the earth plane and they are infant, baby, young, mature and old soul. In ascendance there is Transcedent Soul age and Infinite Soul Age.

Infant souls
are more found in countries like Australia and Africa. Infant souls live in the backwoods or in isolated parts of the world where they can cope with survival issues without the complexity of the technological world. They mate with other infant souls like them and their relationships are more stable because they ‘happen’ without expectation or demands or needs.

Baby souls
are more prolific in East Asia but are also found in North American countries such as small towns who gravitate towards strong rules of right and wrong, usually traditionally religious and also found in such groups as Ku Klux Klan and other very deep-set beliefs about right and wrong.
The baby soul is characterized by the perception of ‘me’ and other separate others. Baby souls cling to unshakeable beliefs of right and wrong. They usually stick together by these rules. They can kill to maintain their beliefs and that’s how historically baby soul activities created the Crusades, the Inquisition, religious campaigns and missionary zeals.
Baby souls like to be solid citizens and love to wave their flag. They are seen as righteous and they love models like the highly orthodox minister. In the Old West they were the ones to form vigilanty groups and an ‘eye for eye’ type of justice.
Baby soul age is the birth of religion usually controlled by an appointed minister who preaches more about sin than love.
Baby souls stick together in relationships and rarely mix with other ages.

Young Souls
Then we have young souls which supposedly abound in North America, Germany and other developed countries. These young souls have many different levels but they are all interested in material gain, in having worldly toys such as cars, clothes and the middle and higher levels of young souls crave worldly success and fame. It has been said that developed countries are controlled by young souls who are in government, law and make up many of the army, police, firemen and athletes.
Independence to a young soul is a key issue. They have the ability to go and get what they want out of life. They are the ones who initiate good salesmen, money-making schemes, internet marketing and will pursue anything if they can become successful. Success is usually their goal whether it is in money, running, health foods or just keeping fit.
Young souls flock to well-known universities so they can get degrees of prominence. They also believe in competition, “there is you and me and I am going to win.” They pursue fame, wealth or power at any price. They are also totally identified with their bodies and will take extreme measures to keep looking young by using plastic surgery or improving looks as so many actors and filmstars have done.
Young souls do not question their motives. They have difficulty having insights into their own or other people’s behaviour.
Young souls also are frequently involved in international conflicts over baby soul countries (which are often at war).

Mature Souls
The Mature soul questions the young soul’s bumper sticker that says, “He who dies with the most toys wins.” This is when the questions start…
“What am I doing here?”
“Who am I?”
A mature soul doesn’t actually asks these questions directly but come as a feeling from Source as if there is an emptiness, as if they are cast away from their Home and something feels terribly missing. They miss their families but when with them they don’t feel the satisfaction. It is always ‘something’ out there needing to be met but do’r quite know what it is.
Relationships are very important to mature souls but they often sabotage the relationship they want most.
I am familiar with mature souls because they form my very dearest friends. My older daughter is a mature soul who is a spiritual guide to many people. Mature souls usually make excellent guides, counselors and teachers but often lack faith in themselves.
The reason for the extreme sensitivity and emotionality of this soul age is because it is nearing the end of its evolution and as a result often suffers a dark night of the soul. The suicide rate among mature souls is the highest of all ages according to these teachings.
Mature souls are psychic and can easily tune into other people’s psychy. They can make good intuitive readings and when not feeling sad they are warm, loving and even joyous.
It has been said that Ernest Hemingway, Van Gogh were mature souls who sought to express their visions in their own unique way.
The mature soul is a time of creative flowering and they become their best when they are creative whether in the arts, music, painting or acting.
The mature soul is rising rapidly within the last 30 years or so. And, since we are living in an unprecedented time in our history as far as evolution is concerned, the mature soul can allow itself to move deeper into the Old Soul age.
Mature souls would hide rather than seek recognition like young souls do. Most mature souls seek a mate that they can keep for an entire lifetime and once they find that ‘special’ one they will stick to it but, unfortunately often sabotage their best efforts. This contrary side of their nature is simply because they have just transcended the young soul age that was materialistic and yet their striving for higher and deeper evolution of their soul is met with resistance like being caught in two opposite sides. Yet again, if they become determined to love who they are (their essence) then the sky’s the limit.
They are usually quite attractive physically and they carry an air of nobility.

Old Soul
Old souls are different from mature souls in that they are more sure of themselves and have found peace. They get attracted to mature souls but the relationship usually suffers because they are more detached while mature souls love to fix and point out what is wrong. Old souls have minimum needs and usually love their aloneness and simple lives.
Old souls are usually self-employed and keep to themselves but often quite friendly and easy-going. They are not interested in getting ahead but prefer to be left alone to do their thing. They follow their own draummer and may even appear eccentric at times.
Old soul types are often attracted to mature souls but the relationship is not often easy because Old Souls are more detached and although riendly and warm would rather be left alone than having demands made upon them.
Contrary to popular belief, old souls prefer the quiet life and when they publish a book would prefer not to be made a fuss over. The reason most people think that older souls are popular and would be well-know is because there are many teachers who publish many books and are well-known for their teachings, however, these are often high level mature souls.

Within each soul age there are seven levels of evolution and according to Michael’s channeled teachings it takes about a hundred lifetimes to go from one soul age to another with the exception of the mature soul who takes less time to rise to the level of old soul.

Old Souls are not plentiful and so relationships between them is grand when it happens but is not often the case. Mature and old souls often mix. It can be successful when the mature soul can accept more the detachment of the old soul. And, the old soul to accept the drama of the mature soul.

Questions and Answers

I did enjoy reading your booklet. The soul levels were new to me and fascinating. It helps explain a lot when you look around at the world and people. I also enjoyed reading a bit about your own experiences, it makes it very ‘relatable.’

Thank you, The wonderful thing about knowing these soul-ages is that there is greater sensitivity and understanding of how we are all One evolving towards our true Home, and yet it is all already within.

You say, ‘Everyone is homesick and that’s why we all seek a good relationship without knowing it’ yet you also say that you can give yourself the love you never did before. So does this mean that it is, or it is not, possible to be happy without a relationship?

The wonderful thing about our journey is that everything is karmic and before us to learn what we need to learn. Therefore if you don't have a relationship or do not want one then that's your journey as karmically 'arranged' by YOU for your own evolution. Nothing happens by chance and there are no accidents.
We reach a point in our life where we become paradoxical to ourselves due to misalignment with the conscious and subconscious desires. For example, you might crave a relationship to share your life while and it feels sincere yet subconsciously would rather be free without commitment. Once you fully know what you want above all, then you can attract it into your life.
If being alone is the best way for you to expand then so be it.

I ask this due to my own situation. I have been alone now over 2 years. I have dated only person in this time – for 2 hours. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever meet a suitable partner and sometimes I wonder if I can even be bothered. Then, more recently, I found myself thinking whether I want to live my life alone, and the answer was no, so I have started making some efforts to ‘date’, but I am not very motivated. I ask myself: Is this unhealthy? Am I kidding myself? Can you be okay alone? Can I actually have the sort of relationship that my heart seems to know about?

This is a common dilemma with most mature-souls. If you focus on what is truly needed within you such as the grasp of your true nature then what you truly need will surface and even materialize.

You wrote " the soul experiences everything and that's how it expands its capacity to love. Does this mean when we have experienced many experiences that we can now have a better understanding of what others go through and be more compassionate towards others. It is like the old saying when you have walked in another's shoes you can fully grasped what they are going through. Less judgement of the person and situation.

That's exactly the point. We are here on earth to experience directly every emotion. The reason we are human is to use that humanity for the greater evolution towards BEING, which is our true Home. Thus we have to experience human love before we can experience unconditional love. Unconditional love is our Home.

How would someone know where they are within the 7 levels of that particular soul?

It is all done intuitively. When emotional pain is directly experienced will lead you automatically into the level you are. All levels are our level of allowing fear and pain to teach us love. Each level brings us closer to unconditional love.

I feel that we can hold ourselves back from our evolution by choosing or rather only looking at the fear and not the love that is actually there.

Yes, when we focus on a fear rather than directly allow its experience then we make the fear 'real' to us and we get caught in it. However, if we directly experience the fear as a need for greater love, then we use fear as a catalyst for greater love expansion. In other words, see the fear not as a hindrance or a block but a step towards greater love unfoldment.

When you talk about being ill is not bad, being rejected is not bad, being unloved is not bad, being poor is not bad, what is bad is your rejection of it rather than fully experiencing it. " All these so called bad is our lessons.

Yes-- everything that we call 'bad or 'wrong' is simply our experience of what is NOT love. Therefore rather than trying to change it, deny it or indulge in it, we could use it for greater compassion, self-respect, expansion, understanding.
A young soul would look at a criminal and says, "hang him!!" while a mature soul would feel the pain of both victim and victimizer. An Old soul would look and say, " they are learning a lot what doesn't work." because the understanding is -- only LOVE works!

What could be the reason for the attraction of old souls to mature souls?
Old-souls are attracted to the experience of intensity because they are filled with love of life. They find mature-souls intense and energetic. Unless the mature soul is on a high level there is bound to create too much melodrama and negativity. This negativity will eventually drain the very energy that first attracted the old-soul and lack of communication occurs. The lower level-mature souls believe that their negativity is real and so indulge in it causing a big gap between them.

How can I learn more about these soul-ages?
Study Michael’s Teachings and quite a few books have been written on the subject.

I am afraid that knowing these soul-ages will make me judgmental!
Judgment occurs when we use such knowledge as an ego tool to defend our position. However, such wonderful information is bound to bring humility, compassion and understanding of the human condition. How can you judge someone wrong when you realize they can’t help where they are at. Rather it brings acceptance, tolerance and understanding.

Are young souls attracted to mature and old-souls?
Definitely but the relationships won’t last. For example, a young soul might feel the physical and sexual attraction much more than an old-soul. Many young-soul men are attracted to mature-soul women. Such women hold an allure and appeal to the young-soul but the moment they try to possess the mature-soul woman they make their biggest blunder.

What is the highest percentage of soul-ages?
It depends upon what country you are referring to. North America abounds in young souls and that’s why it is such a rich materialistic country. Achievers and success-oriented individuals are young-souls who are always looking for a score one way or another.
Repressed countries are often baby-soul ages who express their power through their religious beliefs. Dictators are often baby-souls who try to overpower others by their beliefs. Beliefs are the main-stay of baby-souls. This was evident by Nazism and the lives of Hitler, Mussolini, Goering and others whose beliefs (propaganda) was their main focus point.

Can we control someone’s soul-age either through helping them or teaching?
The need for control is still evident in baby-soul age, young-age and including mature-age in different degrees, of course. Baby-souls try to control through force. Young souls try to control by persuation and mature-souls control through subtle means such as manipulation of words and hints. However, all expansion and evolution is based on unconditional love where full acceptance rather than control is the focus.

How can we help another to evolve and expand?
By fully loving them as they are which is not easy, but it is the only way that works. People are only changed through acceptance and never through coercion or control.

You talk about soul-ages as they evolve through time, but what about here-now as the eternal ISness?
Excellent question! It is at this point that we accelerate our evolution, that is, when we recognize that nothing is happening and all lifetimes are contained within this Now-moment itself. The paradox is this – that we cannot see that time and space do not exist until we evolve to the point of seeing that nothing ever took place and all souls are fragments of the same BEING that we already are in this very here-now moment.

What is it that evolves?
It is vibration as it gets finer and finer. We evolve as if we spin faster and faster until we disappear and find that we have always been Home in the One-Self.
When I started out with Advaita teaching I was completely immersed in it but disregarded the human element. Remember you are a HUMAN BEING. The human is a becoming-process and ever evolving until it merges with its on BEING. BEING does not evolve, it does not learn, it does not accumulate or move but ‘IS’ itself. So we act as if we are a human form until all movements reach such a vibration through allowing, forgiving, accepting, surrendering that there is only BEING known as Unconditional Love or the Eternal Home. It is like climbing a very tall ladder that reaches beyond the clouds. Each step up makes us see more of what is underneath us until we reach the top and realize we had never gone anyplace but have been always here and now and everything surrounding us is US. In reaching the top we had such a connection with All-That-Is
that there is only ‘IS’ and has never been anything else but only appeared so. And the paradox is this – we keep ‘becoming’ until the Infinite soul-age is reached and then we function from a dimension that defies any explanation or description.